To start this off, I know there will be grammatical and probably spelling errors but I don’t care right now, so before you comment or email me about errors just know at this time I don’t care. Now that that is out of the way please enjoy my story.
So this all started when I started dating…we’ll call him Jeff. Jeff and I dated about three and a half years ago. He lived about 20 mins away and I had just started driving (I just turned 17 he was 18). Our relationship started out like a normal vanilla relationship and there he was great. One day about a month into our relationship he told me about pup play and that he was and handler in his last relationship and wanted to know if I was interested in being a pup.
At this time in my life my mom was starting to relapse on drugs and we had a horrible relationship, I had also have chronic migraines and they had gotten worse and I missed a lot of school. I was told that I wasn’t going to get my credits for the second semester of my junior year. So all that said I was not in the best place mentally and I felt like if I didn’t try it out that he was gonna leave me…so I did. In the beginning I loved it, it was a little hard for me to get into head space at first but once I got the hang of it I enjoyed myself. I got the name Kai because it was a name I liked and I was already using it for a bunch of my online stuff.
In the beginning he was a great handler, I got all the love and attention I could ever want, and when I was even being bratty (Yes I’m sometimes a bratty puppy) I would never be badly punished. Sometimes when I was a really bratty pup I would be kenneled while he ran up to the gas station or for an episode of a show. Then kennel was never securely locked and I could always get out if I had to. It was great I had escape from my life that was torturing me everyday, I was getting attention and affection. Now even though I was 17 and was still in school I stayed over at his house often and so I was a puppy at least 4 hours a day for about a month.
One day I was laying on Jeff’s lap in head space and we were watching TV. He wanted to get up and told me to move, and I just gave a little whimper, just being a brat and he didn’t like that. He punched me in the ribs and got up and went to the bedroom and I didn’t see him the rest of the night (I was scared so I slept on the couch). That was the first incident of abuse. That should have been my sign to leave, but I didn’t want to believe that was him, I didn’t want to lose that affection and attention I was getting so I brushed it off.
That ended up only being the start. One night I was in head space and I did something wrong…at least to him because at this point I had given up my bratty ways in fear of being abused or screamed at, I don’t even know what I did to this day but he locked me in the kennel, but this time he put a lock on it, he ended up leaving me there for two days and whenever I begged him to let me out he would just tell me I had been a bad puppy and that I deserved it. This was at the point that my mother had really gotten back into her addiction and didn’t really care where I was, didn’t ever bother to check in on me, she was too worried about her drugs and the addicts she was managing at the house we lived in. Once he let me out he told me to come in the bedroom to go to bed, where he handcuffed me to the bed.
Between being verbally abused, mentally abused, raped, locked in the kennel for long periods, and handcuffed to the bed during the night, I didn’t know what to do, I was trapped in my own mind. I didn’t want to leave cause when things were good I was receiving huge amounts of attention and affection and when It got bad I just thought I had done wrong, that it was my fault in some way and it was ok what he was doing. But one night when I was locked in the kennel he forgot to close the lock, once he went to bed I decided I had enough so I silently opened the kennel, grabbed my bag, and I left, I called my friend to come get me. He called me screaming the next morning and I told him I had enough and that I wasn’t coming back. He called me a couple days later and begged me to come back and told me he was sorry and that non of the bad things he did would ever happen again but I knew it wasn’t true and I said no. I then decided to stop pup play…I was done and didn’t want to remember what happened.
Recently I decided I wanted to try it again, so here I am with a new name. Hello, I’m Sunshine, and I’m a happy pup. Even though this was a rough time for me I have grown from this, I have become a stronger person because of what happened. I’m so happy to be back into pup play and to actually be apart of the community this time.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story, any questions can be directed to [email protected] . I hope this story can shed some light on bad handlers, the rare ones that aren’t as good as you think they are, and to all the amazing and wonderful handlers that know how to treat there pups, thank you. Thank you for giving your pup(s) the attention and affection they deserve.
AND, to any pups out there are in a bad situation, that are not getting the love, affection, or attention you deserve…then leave, take your chance, it will get better I promise, once you leave the truly toxic part of your life you will feel better, you will feel free. Much love and cuddles,